Sermons
“Tough Love”
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I owe Nathan Wynn an apology for failing to mention his baptism.
I actually had it in my announcement list and it was in red type, so that I wouldn't miss it.
But apparently red is not the color of remembrance, so I'll have to find some other font color.
But I'm appreciative of the fact that Tyler did remember.
That's a time for rejoicing, a wonderful event and uh I'm glad it was mentioned in his prayer.
Have you ever discovered that you seriously misjudged somebody?
It may have been that somebody you thought was your friend criticized you in some What seemed to be harsh way and hurt your feelings.
In fact, you may have said, like I've heard individuals say, I thought you were my friend.
Or maybe it turned out that someone you thought was your friend was really working behind your back to hurt you.
Maybe in the workplace, somebody was Working to take your position or to cause you to lose some influence or power.
Or maybe in your social group.
Somebody was backstabbing you.
And you thought that that person was your friend.
The OJ's sang a song a number of years ago called Backstabbers.
One of the lines is smiling faces sometimes tell lies.
Solomon made an interesting and yet what I think is a counterintuitive statement about one's friends and enemies.
In Proverbs the 27th chapter verses 5 and 6.
He wrote better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
We typically think of those who would wound us as our enemies and those who would offer kisses as our friends.
But what Solomon is saying is often we cannot identify friends and enemies.
By kisses and wounds.
That the one who's really my friend is the one who may wound me to my benefit.
Even though my enemy may act as though he is my friend.
Yet in truth he wishes me harm.
Just because someone is nice to me doesn't mean that he has my best interest at heart.
Just because someone tells me something that frankly, I didn't want to hear about myself, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is my enemy.
The expression tough love is sometimes used to describe the way that people act when they have to take difficult or uncomfortable actions against friends or loved ones.
Tough love, however, is often mistaken.
For meanness or hatred.
It's just as important how tough love is sent as it is how it is received.
The apostle Paul in Galatians the 4th chapter.
As he has said some rather severe things in this letter to the Galatian churches.
He contrast himself with some of the Judaizing teachers who apparently were having some influence among the Galatians.
And so he writes in verse 15, What then has become of your blessedness?
For I testify to you that if possible, you would have gouged out your eyes and given them to me.
Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?
They, and I think now he's talking about these Judaizing teachers, those who wanted to have Gentile Christians circumcised in addition to obeying the gospel.
They make much of you, but for no good purpose.
They want to shut you out that you may make much of them.
And so here were these Judaizers who were flattering.
They make much of you, but the truth is, they're using you.
Have I?
Paul asked, Have I become your enemy because I've told you the truth?
Sometimes that's the way we behave, is it not?
That when someone tells us something that really is for our good.
We end up considering them an enemy because we really didn't want to hear the truth.
I think like Paul, we want to show others the truth of God's word, according to the scriptures.
But sometimes that puts us in kind of an uncomfortable position.
You don't have to point at people and say, you're, you're lost, you're condemned.
All you have to do sometimes is teach the truth.
And the truth itself will serve to let people know that there are changes they need to make if they're going to follow Jesus Christ.
But if you do that, some will probably accuse you of improperly judging folks.
Who are you to judge me and suggest that I'm doing wrong?
If you condemn others, sometimes we're told.
Then you don't have the love of Christ.
I believe statements like that and there are several that you'll hear maybe as you try to teach people.
I believe statements like that convey at least 3 misconceptions or misunderstandings.
There's a misunderstanding of the actual nature of love.
There's a misunderstanding of the character of Jesus.
And I think there's also a misunderstanding of the purpose for teaching others the truth.
It's not to condemn.
It is in fact to say.
I believe Jesus was the most loving individual who ever lived.
But on occasion, he engaged in what we've already described as tough love.
He said some things that would have been difficult for people to hear.
That would have been uncomfortable in terms of correction.
But if we want to see how love really behaves, we need to take a look at the life of Jesus, and that's what I'd like to do this morning for a few minutes and talk about how Jesus loved.
I don't know that anybody here would dispute that affirmation that Jesus was a loving person.
I think you could probably go out on the street and get agreement with that concept that Jesus was probably a very loving person.
We would expect, of course, that he loved his chosen disciples, his apostles, and his friends.
On the night that he was betrayed.
In John 13:1, we're told that before the feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own, who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
Jesus was consistent in that love.
Later on in the same chapter in verse 133, Jesus said a new commandment I give to you that you love one another just as I have loved you.
You also are to love one another.
John in his gospel, for whatever reason.
Describes himself several times as the disciple whom Jesus loved.
I think Jesus loved all the disciples, as we'll point out a little bit later.
But I think maybe there was an affinity between Jesus and John and perhaps Peter as well and James.
And so John describes himself as the disciple whom Jesus loved.
But there were others who were apparently close to Jesus.
For instance, Mary and Martha and Lazarus.
The text says in John the 11th chapter that Jesus loved them.
And I think that means there was some sort of special relationship there inasmuch as Jesus, I think loved everyone, and I say that because Jesus showed love even for his enemies.
The people of Jerusalem rejected Jesus.
In Luke 19th chapter, the text says that Jesus wept over the city.
Because he knew what was coming.
He knew the suffering that they would endure because they rejected him as the Messiah.
They rejected his teaching.
He says in Matthew the 23rd chapter that he would like to have protected them like a mother hen will use her wings to protect her chicks, but they were, they were unwilling, they would not allow him to do that.
Even the people who crucified him.
Jesus said in Matthew, excuse me, in Luke 214 chapter in verse 226, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
These are people who are in the process of mocking him.
They've crucified him, put him on the cross.
And still Jesus wants what's best for them.
And I think his statement shows the condition of his heart, his willingness for their forgiveness to take place.
But there's of course a sense in which all of us are the subject of Christ's love.
In First John 227 and verse 227, by this we know love that he laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
None of this is of any surprise to you.
I think all of us understand Jesus was a loving person, but many people don't really understand that even in that love, that sometimes Jesus was firm with the truth, even stern as he corrected and rebuked others.
Twice he cleaned out the racketeers in the temple courtyard.
In John the 233nd chapter, we're told that uh he said, Don't make my father's house a house of trade.
He turned over uh the money changers tables and drove out those who were uh selling sheep and oxen as sacrificial animals.
And then toward the end of his ministry in the last week of his life once again he cleared out the temple.
You've turned it into a den of robbers, he says, suggesting that not only were they engaged in commerce, but they were actually cheating people, taking advantage of them in this.
In the sale of these things and the changing of currencies.
In Matthew the 223th chapter, you may recall that The disciples of Jesus were criticized by the Pharisees and the scribes because they weren't washing their hands the way that the traditions of the elders suggested they should.
And Jesus does not particularly defend the disciples.
He instead rebukes the Pharisees and the scribes for their own disobedience to the law of God.
And so he says to them in verse 23, and why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?
You have to understand that Jesus is talking to people who consider themselves to be righteous, and the common people considered them to be essentially the epitome of righteousness.
But Jesus said, you're a lawbreakers.
You set aside God's law so that you can keep your traditions.
And he says to them in verses 224 through 234, you hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy of you, he says, when he said, this people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
In vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines, the commandments of men.
Isaiah wrote that 25 years or more before Jesus, but Jesus says what Isaiah said, what he wrote, it describes you.
And your worship is empty.
It's worthless because of the fact that you elevate your own teaching.
Above or even equal to the commandments of God.
I don't know what the the Pharisees and the scribes thought about that, but we're told a little bit later on in the same chapter, chapter 15 of Matthew, what the disciples thought.
In verses 12 and 13, they came to Jesus and said, Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard the saying?
The disciples believed the Pharisees were offended and they were concerned about that.
And so immediately Jesus apologized and retracted what he had said, right?
If you're looking for that in your Bible, you're not going to find it.
Because Jesus instead said every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up.
These were people who were in danger of being rooted up.
And so what Jesus had said to them was for their good.
Lest they be lost eternally.
But not just the Pharisees and the scribes.
Jesus rebuked his own disciples.
Do you remember when James and John, the sons of Zebedee, said of a Samaritan village, Lord, do you want us to call down fire to destroy these people?
Because the Samaritans were not anxious to receive Jesus and his disciples as they traveled towards Judea.
And Jesus rebuked them.
Some manuscripts suggest that what he said to them was, you don't know the spirit that you're of.
Son of man didn't come to condemn but to save.
But there were other occasions when Jesus rebuked the disciples and sometimes fairly sharply, I think.
For instance, following his resurrection as he appears to disciples in Mark 16 and verse 14, the text says that as they were reclining at table, Jesus appeared to the 11 and he rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart.
Because they had not believed those who had seen him after he had risen.
There were those who gave testimony and the disciples were very slow to believe and Jesus rebukes them for that.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you think Jesus loved these people?
That he rebuked Do you think he loved them when he rebuked them, or was Jesus love hot and then cold or maybe even non-existent?
I think Jesus continued to love these people.
But he understood that love meant sometimes doing that which is uncomfortable.
Sometimes it means saying the difficult things.
Sometimes it's tough love.
And that's not easy.
I want to draw your attention to a particular story, David uh read that story of a young man, a rich young man who comes to Jesus, and he asks a pretty decent question.
His focus is on eternal life.
He wants to know how he can inherit eternal life.
It seems to me that a lot of people don't really know how love behaves.
They evidently think that love and firmness.
Or even correction are incompatible.
That love instead is some sort of an emotion, kind of a sugary sweet attitude that doesn't cause any discomfort to anyone.
So it's all very sweet and smooth and, and nobody is upset or hurt.
They see the love of Jesus as a permissive love, where Jesus would set aside or cancel responsibility, sin, and law.
Scriptures don't teach that.
Their misunderstanding of love causes them to misunderstand Jesus.
I want to suggest an argument to you.
It's an argument in syllogistic form.
And so the idea is that if you accept two premises, then the conclusion logically follows if it is a valid syllogism.
And the first premise is that Jesus loves everyone.
Well, we've already suggested that from the scriptures.
The second premise is that love is never critical of others.
That's what a lot of people believe.
And if you accept those two premises, then the conclusion follows.
It's logical to say that Jesus wouldn't be critical of anyone.
Since he loved everyone and love means never criticizing, then Jesus wouldn't be critical of anyone.
But there's a problem with that.
And we just looked at it.
Because Jesus was on occasion, critical.
He even corrected some and so that conclusion is false according to the scriptures.
And what that means is that in a syllogism one of those two premises has to be false also.
And it doesn't take very long for us to figure out which one it is.
Love does involve correction sometimes.
Love sometimes is tough love.
And so this particular argument, and that's an argument that at least Maybe not explicitly, but implicitly people follow.
That's an invalid argument.
Because that second premise is not right.
And that's a key fact that we need to be aware of.
So, to the story of the rich young ruler, if you've turned to mark the 343th chapter or perhaps you'd like to just look at it on the screen, we're not going to go through the entire passage.
I asked David to read all the way through verse 31.
Uh, to see if he could last, I'm just kidding.
I, I wanted him to complete the, the pericoppe.
There you go, Jonathan.
But we're really interested in verses 17 through 22.
Because that's where the young ruler comes to Jesus and and he asks about eternal life and Jesus says, well then keep the commandments and the text says, He said to him, that is the rich young ruler said to Jesus, Teach all these I've kept from my youth.
And Mark's account is the only one that makes the next statement.
The other synoptics record the same story, but they leave out this detail.
But it's important for our study because we're talking about a loving savior.
And Jesus looking at him, loved him.
And yet He then tells this.
Young man, what he needs to do in order to inherit eternal life.
You lack one thing, go sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you'll have treasure in heaven and come follow me.
Did Jesus not have any idea how this would affect this young man?
Oh, I think he did.
In fact, in the succeeding this verses that David read, Jesus says it's tough for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven.
And I think he had focused on the difficulty in this young man's life, that which would keep him from being a, a disciple.
It was his love for his stuff.
And so Jesus tells him what he needs to hear.
Jesus did not lessen the requirements of discipleship for him.
What a, what an outstanding young man.
He is a moral person.
He's kept all these commandments as he related to Jesus.
He's so close.
But on other occasions, Jesus said, for instance, in Luke 14, Verses 26 and 27.
If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Jesus said, that's the cost of discipleship.
That's what it requires.
Whoever does not bear his own cross, verse 27 and come after me cannot be my disciple.
A little later on in the same chapter, verse 33.
So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.
Jesus did not lessen the requirement of discipleship for this young man, even though the text says he loved him.
In fact, The reason he tells the young man what he tells him is because he loves him.
Tough love.
Sometimes uncomfortable.
Sometimes not received well.
And the rich young ruler goes away sorrowful.
We don't know that he ever became a Christian or a disciple of Jesus.
But Jesus told him the truth.
And that's what he needed to hear.
The truth is that love and firmness are not diametrically opposed to one another, although some feel that way.
We've already noted in several passages, the desire of Jesus to protect the people of Jerusalem.
Matthew 23, I would have gathered you like a hen gathers her chicks.
He says, And you are not willing Sometimes love requires firmness or severity, or it doesn't qualify as love.
The writer of Proverbs in talking about parenting.
Made an interesting statement.
You're familiar with this statement.
It is in Proverbs 13:24.
All the kids hate this passage.
But here's what it says, Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
When we decide that we will not discipline our children when it is required or when it's necessary, when it's appropriate, the truth of the matter is we don't love them.
That's what the text says.
Several years ago, it's been quite a few years ago now, had a woman write me a letter telling me she disagreed with some things that I had preached about parenting.
And she cited the fact that I was talking about love and discipline as though these two things belong together.
My response to her was, you're not arguing with me.
You're arguing with God cause that's what the scripture says.
All I've done is preach the scriptures.
You don't have to agree with them, but you do to your, you do so to your peril if you disagree.
The text says, whoever spares the rod hates his son.
Is that because we love to spank?
No, no, not at all.
But sometimes that's what's necessary, discipline so that young people, children can be encouraged to do what is right.
But he who loves them is diligent to discipline.
That's the ESB version.
Here's the nature of love, a biblical love.
It seeks the good of others.
But you know sometimes what people need is not always pleasant.
Sometimes it's difficult and sometimes Tough love is not well received.
When I say tough love, I defined it a little bit earlier as suggesting that it is the way that people act when they have to take difficult or uncomfortable actions in order to pursue the best interests of others.
And I guarantee you that in life, you will probably have occasion where you're going to need to exercise tough love.
Sometimes it's in marriage.
When spouses need to rebuke sinful behavior on the part of the person who may very well be the, the closest should be the closest person to you in your, in this world.
It's tough to have to say to a spouse, what you did was wrong, you shouldn't be doing that.
But sometimes we have to do that if in fact we really love them, as the scriptures encourage us to do.
We've already said some things about parents with children.
Tough love means we discipline when it's appropriate, when it's necessary.
Tough love involves teaching children to work.
How many of you have children that would come to you during the day and say, I know this is playtime, but I would really rather work.
Is there something I can do?
Anybody got children like that?
Because if you do, I'd like to adopt them.
That's an unusual kid.
Most kids want to play.
And you have to teach them that there are times when they have to work.
But if you don't teach them to work and to take care of themselves and to have to give to others, then you're hurting them, not loving them.
Sometimes stuff love means making children suffer the consequences of their actions.
I'm not saying that we just throw our kids to the wolves.
That's not at all what I'm trying to say.
But I've seen parents over the years who protected their children from all the consequences of their wrongdoing, and that's not good for them.
They need to understand that actions have consequences.
That is such a basic lesson and one that absolutely has to be learned if children are going to be successful as adults, if they're going to be disciples of Jesus Christ.
But that's tough, isn't it?
It's tough to see your children suffer.
We want the best for them.
We want them to be happy.
We want them smiling and all that.
We don't want to cause them pain.
But sometimes that's what's really necessary.
Both in discipline or in them suffering other consequences of their actions.
Well, preachers, Preachers need to understand that tough love is sometimes required.
Sometimes a local congregation needs to hear teaching on a particular subject because there's a weakness there.
But unfortunately, Many preachers will soften the message.
If they think that people might be upset or leave if the truth is preached.
I would commend this congregation.
Not to flatter you at all.
For your willingness to listen to the truth, even if sometimes maybe I step on some toes.
But it's for your good.
I'm not your friend if I don't tell you what you need to hear.
And of course, elders.
I got hit 34 times this time.
All four of these.
Elders also sometimes have to practice tough love.
They have to rebuke members of the congregation, and I'll tell you, I think I speak for the other 5 elders.
We don't enjoy that.
It's difficult.
It's unpleasant.
We would rather everybody just got along and everybody did the right thing and we didn't have to rebuke or correct anyone.
But the fact of the matter is, that's not a good shepherd.
Who will not correct.
Look out for the welfare of sheep.
In our day and age, Political correctness demands that nothing be said or done.
That might criticize or offend or make someone or some group uncomfortable.
Whether you're talking about politics or religion, and particularly religion, Political correctness says you don't practice tough love, you just get along.
And so political correctness is really the enemy of love.
Political correctness says don't do what's best for other people.
Just leave them alone in their sin.
Leave them on their journey to Damnation I think Christians, some Christians certainly have definitely been affected by this current way of thinking in our culture.
I think that because sometimes when preachers make corrections or when elders make corrections.
Christians don't support those corrections.
They're critical of the preacher of the elders.
I'll give you a couple of examples.
Sometimes there are members in a congregation that are divisive.
And if that behavior is rebuked, The challenge is not.
To try to help that person.
Do the right thing, but instead, the challenge is against the elders or whoever has rebuked the behavior.
Preachers sometimes do not preach all the truth because some members don't want to hear certain things.
Well, you know, he's too critical.
You want to upset people.
Preach on modesty.
And that's almost a winner every time.
Because more often than not, it'll step on somebody's toes.
If you are teaching what the Bible says about modesty.
And so there are some congregations where you'll not hear those sermons.
You'll hear them here But I know congregations where they need those kind of sermons and they're not hearing them.
Elders sometimes do not shepherd.
They don't take care of the sheep because shepherding involves rebuke.
If we tell him or her or that family what they need to hear why they might leave.
And so people go unrebuked.
That's not love.
Sometimes people offer excuses for why they couldn't be with the saints on Sunday.
And those excuses, and I use that word purposefully, are treated as legitimate, even though it is patently obvious that they are exactly that, excuses.
Over the years I've been amazed at what sometimes people expect brethren to believe.
And I sometimes wonder, do they think God is that gullible?
that God doesn't know the truth about why they were not here or Why they could do everything else, they just couldn't get here.
No one wants to speak the truth.
About those excuses.
Because somebody might leave.
Let me ask you the question.
Are we really doing those people any good?
By keeping them in the pew.
If in fact they are not disciples in truth.
I think we're just hurting them.
In fact, we may be hurting them in the sense that they think they're OK when in fact their souls are in danger.
That's not love.
Oh, it might feel good.
We don't have to be uncomfortable.
We don't have to say the hard things.
But it's not love.
How can firmness or severity even sometimes be in the best interests of those we love?
Well, let's talk about the rich young ruler just a little bit more.
Suppose Jesus had failed to tell the rich young ruler what he lacked.
I think it would have gone on his way.
If Jesus had just said, you know, I'm really impressed with your morality, you've been keeping the commandments, you're good to go.
If Jesus had not told him what he needed to hear.
Would he have perhaps believed that he would inherit eternal life when in fact he was woefully unprepared for
- 2025.01.12A-SomethingFromNothing.mp3 (12.29 MB)
